


Don't Shop With Wolves (Or Humans Associated With Wolves)

by how_about_no



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Allison Argent, Alive Vernon Boyd & Erica Reyes, Awesome Erica, Banter, Crack, Grocery Shopping, Human Alpha Stiles Stilinski, Humor, M/M, Pack Dad Derek Hale, Pack Dynamics, Pack Mother Stiles Stilinski, Sassy Lydia, erica and lydia would have been besties, i refuse to accept that erica and boyd are dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 01:40:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3469661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/how_about_no/pseuds/how_about_no
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some happy crack of the pack going on a shopping trip and annoying the hell out of Stiles</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Shop With Wolves (Or Humans Associated With Wolves)

“I swear to god I am going to murder someone.” Derek passes by to grab a pack of toilet roll and claps him on the shoulder.

“Try keep it clean.”

Stiles scoffs and resumes pushing the trolley down the aisle. “This is why we don’t bring your puppies to do the shopping.”

“Lydia, Scott and Allison aren’t mine.” Derek replies, dropping the pack of toilet roll in the trolley.

“They aren’t mine either! They are independent human beings that don’t need no Stiles.” He flails and hits the shelf next to him, knocking some cleaning supplies off. Derek raises his eyebrows at him and kneels down to put all the stuff Stiles’ noodle arms caused to fall back.

“You’re practically their alpha.” He sounds sort of confused at this revelation.

“Human alphas aren’t a thing,” Derek gives him a look, “Oh my god, are human alphas a thing?!” He flails again, dropping the two bottles of bleach he had just picked up. Derek sighs and puts them back on the shelf.

“I’m not even going to reply to that.” Just then there is a growl from the aisle over.

“Erica, put the mop down!” Isaac’s voice comes from the same direction.

“Both of you shut up! Sort it out like normal people, we’re in public!” Derek shouts at them.

“Nice alpha-ing.” Stiles tells him quietly.

“Shut up, Stiles.” Derek says fondly, knocking his shoulder against Stiles’.

Usually it was just him and Derek who did the shopping for the refurbished Hale house that was pretty much everyone in the pack’s second home. This week, however, Derek decided it was a genius idea to bring along the rest of the pack. Well, that’s not technically true. It was mostly Erica’s persuasion, involving a lot of pouting and sulking. She even got Boyd behind her, even though he just grunted and nodded when she asked him if he agreed. Apparently that was enough for Derek’s approval, the pushover. Only then the rest of the pack decided they didn’t want to miss out on the ‘fun’.

That is why Stiles is trying desperately to keep an eye on everything that goes in and out of the trolley. There have been numerous mysterious additions throughout the trip. Scott tried to add three extra packs of pop tarts, Lydia tried to add some ridiculously expensive nail polish, and Erica added a Bad Neighbours DVD. Stiles has spent way too much time putting all of that crap back. Isaac slipped in a bag of malteasers that Stiles decided to pretend he didn’t notice because that guy’s puppy eyes are even more puppy-ish than Scott’s. That’s probably why they ended up together, they’re both puppies at heart.

Right now everyone was off looking for something from the list. Stiles thought he may as well utilise the extra hands he has, even if they do bring back extras each time they return. Speaking of,

“Scott, buddy, put the oreos back.” Scott pouted and hovered the oreos over the trolley.

“But they’re so good, Stiles.” He looks adorable, but Stiles is not having it. He levels Scott a glare and points down the aisle.

“Put.them.back.” Scott huffs and turns to stomp away.

“Nice alpha-ing.” Derek says as he returns to Stiles’ side, he looks at the list attached to the front.

“Go fuck yourself.” Stiles replies. Derek gives him a knowing smirk and tilts his head.

“Now why would I do that when I have you?” Stiles sputters but Derek is already turning the corner, cackling like a mad man.

“Why does he always win?” Stiles angrily whispers to himself. The laughter gets louder and Stiles remembers that Derek is a werewolf with very good hearing. He smacks himself in the forehead just in time for Lydia to come up behind him.

“Don’t kill the only brain cells you have left.” She says as she drops a bag of carrots and a bag of peppers into the trolley. No extras.

“You are officially my favourite.” He says to her. She pats his cheek and smiles.

“I’m everyone’s favourite, Stiles.”

“Scott’s my favourite.” Isaac appears from nowhere and the only reason Stiles doesn’t jump is because when most of your friends are werewolves, you get used to that shit. Isaac smirks at Lydia and throws a jar of coffee onto the ever growing pile of stuff.

“You’re my favourite too.” Scott says, smiling dopily as he comes up at Isaac’s side.

“Hey!” Stiles shouts, offended. Scott and Isaac break the weird contest they were having of who could smile the most at the other. Scott looks slightly guilty whereas Isaac just smiles smugly.

“What’s the hubbub?” Erica asks as she and Boyd come around the corner.

“I’m Scott’s favourite.” Isaac grins brightly.

“But you’re pretty much on par!” Scott adds reassuringly to Stiles who just rolls his eyes.

“It’s okay Scott, you’re not my favourite either.” Scott looks slightly offended and confused before Isaac whispers something in his ear and realisation dawns on his features.

“Oh.” He says dumbly.

“Yeah.” Stiles replies.

“Did he just tell him Stiles and Derek are fucking?” Erica is smirking next to Stiles. She and Lydia share a look before they’re both looking at Stiles at the same time.

“Stiles-“ Lydia starts, placing a hand on his arm.

“Oh no. No no no. No way. Back off, lady.” He takes his arm from her grip and points at everyone one by one. “You guys are assholes.”

“Why?” Allison asks as she also appears out of nowhere, which is more impressive because she is not a magical wolf person.

“You Allison, are not an asshole. You are my new favourite.” Stiles says, pointing at her. She looks quite proud as she places a carton of milk on top of everything else.

“You’re my favourite too, along with Lydia.” She tells him. Stiles smiles at her.

“Team Human!” He shouts, holding out a fist to both Allison and Lydia. They roll their eyes but bump fists with him anyway.

“Because I’m your favourite, can I get some Doritos?” Allison asks with wide, innocent eyes.

“Hey, if she gets Doritos why can’t I get pop tarts?” Scott exclaims.

“I should technically get that nail polish if everyone else is getting stuff.” Lydia says while inspecting her nails.

“Zac Efron in a comedy, though! Perfectly reasonable purchase!” Erica adds, “Right Boyd?” She says, elbowing him in the ribs. He grunts an affirmative. They all start talking at the same time and Stiles feels like ripping all of their heads off.

“No one is getting anything extra! No Doritos,” He points at Allison whose face falls, “No pop tarts,” He points at Scott who leans on Isaac as he swings an arm over Scott’s shoulders, “No nail polish,” He points at Lydia who just shrugs and continues inspecting her nails, “And no Zac Efron,” He points at Erica who pouts and bats her eyelashes. “I’m going to go find Derek who is now my favourite again.” With that, he pushes the trolley down the aisle in search of what he hopes will be an escape.

Stiles finds him in the freezer aisle, looking at all of the pizzas with a thoughtful frown.

“I want pepperoni with stuffed crust.” Stiles says in lieu of a greeting. Derek huffs and opens the door, grabbing Stiles’ choice. He turns and drops it in the trolley.

“They know?” He asks, and Stiles knows what he’s talking about.

“I think they always knew.” He taps his nose and Derek’s eyes widen before he is fighting a smile.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You love it.” Stiles replies. He steps around the trolley to put his hands in Derek’s back pockets. Derek sighs and wraps his arms around Stiles’ shoulders.

“Yeah, I do.”

**Author's Note:**

> I refuse to accept that they are not all a pack. They are a pack. They are happy. Everything is fine. They do stuff like this. Yes they do. No death. Nope.


End file.
